No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize