In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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