***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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