I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
