Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
