I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
