I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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