i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're like the curious george of whores
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
