we're blogging at a bar
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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