glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
