Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
