Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
