Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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