Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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