this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
