I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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