OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
