Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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