My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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