I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
