Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
