So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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