just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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