I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
