Nicole vs. Life
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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