singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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