so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
