Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
