The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
