are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
