I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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