I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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