Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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