dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
is it fun? or sober?
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