distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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