Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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