I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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