He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
