I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
