My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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