I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
