You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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