Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
