I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
