I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
