OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My cat gives me a boner
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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