We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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