peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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