is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
