u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I smell like Dick and happiness
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