Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
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you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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