you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
