If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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