i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
