I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
