He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
