Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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