this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
