haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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