I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
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I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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