UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
