all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it's like iHOP with fire
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
