When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
