I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
