walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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