Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
