who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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