i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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