when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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