The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
