i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
