Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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