Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
