She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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