so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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