We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
