Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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