I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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