it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
